Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
