apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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