I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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