looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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