the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
