did you get engaged???
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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