what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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