I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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