my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
