Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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