okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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