I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
