I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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