All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.