we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO