At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.