I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
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You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?