Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.