he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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