found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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