His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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