hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
