I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize