i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
