Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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