i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
so much tequila, so little girl.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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