Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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