WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
