Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
