omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
