3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
