i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
