I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
