The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
