Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
