if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
