Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he told me I talked like a deaf person
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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