Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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