So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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