Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
