I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss