so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Alive.
So much puke
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
