I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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