this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't turn off my feet"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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