ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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