Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
