so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
