Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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