So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His hands were made for my vagina.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
