If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
