I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We need to get me chipped asap
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
