Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
