ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
