I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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