One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
