We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
