How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
