Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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