if only i could text you this smell
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Are we still banned from the library?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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