I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
