if i can run in heels then i can drive
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
