shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
